When I think of all the influential people in my life, often I hear their voices in my mind. Maybe I hear a favorite phrase, or maybe I just think about the distinctive sound of their voice. Aldene is one of those voices in my life, from her catch phrase greeting, “What do you know?” to her closing favorite phrases, “Be good!” and “You’re Awesome!” .
Yesterday, Aldene spent a half hour helping me with a huge favor. After I said, “goodbye” to her, I drove home, thinking things like, “She’s ‘Good People'” and “God Bless Aldene”. The favor was top-secret, so I cannot go into it, but suffice to say that all she really had to do was show up and sign her name; instead she ended up talking through the situation with me, making sure details were covered, and more than that, making sure more “Good People” helped me out. Oh, and along the way she introduced me to “Robert”, said a lot of really positive and encouraging things to Robert, and later informed me that some people don’t treat Robert very well, considering him to have a menial job and treating him poorly; thus, Aldene makes sure she and all her family (and friends) treat Robert with respect and kindness that he deserves. That’s just how Aldene works. She sees a problem and creates a solution.
Almost 20 years ago, I befriended Denis, Aldene and her husband Carl’s son, when Dennis started attending the same college as Jason and I. Dennis was a fellow runner. During indoor track, Dennis and I ran outside in the bitter cold together, since our track team was tiny and there were even less distance runners. (You can only run so many laps of a 200 meter track; eventually, running outside in -20F sounds like a good idea.) Jason and Dennis were already friends, as Jason befriended Dennis in high school.
Around the same time that I got to know Dennis, Jason and I spent Thanksgiving in St. Louis one year, while we were dating. During my visit, there was one person, “you need to meet”– Aldene. I don’t remember the exact conversation leading up to meeting Aldene, but I sensed that this mother-of-a-friend wanted to make sure Jason was dating someone who treated him well and was a good match for him. We drove to The Hill, the Italian neighborhood of St. Louis, and she took us out for a sandwich lunch at Amighetti’s. I think we liked each other from the start. At least, I liked Aldene, and didn’t mind her interest in scrutinizing me. I sensed that Aldene cared about Jason and wanted what was best for him; her concern made sense to me.
Shortly before I graduated from college, Aldene and Carl hosted Jason’s and my only friends-and-family wedding shower. Maybe our friendship with Dennis motivated Aldene and Carl to step up; I’m not sure. However, by that point, Jason and I already looked at Aldene and Carl as family friends.
In the years after Jason and I moved to St. Louis, Aldene and Carl really did become close friends of ours, and eventually I described them as adopted family. They continued helping us out along the way. They were one of the few close family and friends that we told, when I was eight weeks pregnant with our second child. After we found out at 12 weeks that our baby had died in utero, I’ll never forget Aldene’s response on the phone: “I’m so upset I can’t talk about it. I’m bringing over food.” She did bring a meal– a comforting chicken and rice meal in a glass Pyrex baking dish. She didn’t stay long, ask prying questions, or do anything other than drop off food, try not to cry, and hug us.
Both Aldene and Carl became “adopted grandparents” to both Andrew and Allison over the years. As I write this, I keep thinking of more and more examples of how they cared for our kids. The memory of Carl, gently holding each of our babies and speaking quietly– almost cooing still makes me cry, and miss him terribly. And then I think of him telling Aldene that they had overstayed their welcome, and herding her out the door, and I laugh. When Carl died suddenly, our family lost a very loved and cherished family member.
In the short term after Carl’s death, we tried to be there for Aldene, much like she was there for us. But gradually, Aldene went right back to taking care of us, instead. She, I, and Dennis’ mother-in-law Judy all meet periodically for lunch now days. It’s the only time I buy lunch out for myself, and most of the time I find myself leaving lunch having talked the most, unburdened myself of some stress, and found kindness and compassion. We meet at Bread Company, where Aldene is a “regular”; the staff there treats her superb, since she treats them wonderfully, also. Much like Robert, for Aldene, it’s not about status, success, or the like, it’s about whether or not you are “good people”.
This past summer, I told Aldene, in passing, about how we were saving up loose change for fun times during our upcoming summer vacation. I groused about not being able to take the change to our bank to get it counted. Aldene, in problem solver mode, offered to let me bring my change to her bank, and have it counted. At first I didn’t want to impose, but later I decided to take her up on her offer. She met me at her bank, took care of the coin counting, and sent me on my way with our trip “fun money” dollars. About 24 hours later, she called and asked if she could stop by our house. When she arrived, she explained that she had gone home and rounded up all of her own change, taken it to her bank to be counted, and wanted to give Andrew and Allison the money to split, to use for souvenirs on our trip.
I could continue on with stories of this sort for hours. Last spring, Jason battled a painful hacking cough for a long time. After several weeks of burning chest pain and many more weeks prior of coughing, Jason and I met Aldene for lunch, randomly. After that lunch meeting, Aldene kept in touch, as she was worried for Jason. When we found out a bit later that Jason had pneumonia, Aldene researched healing foods for people with pneumonia, and brought by a big basket, filled with every single food on her list. At first, she was reluctant to put together the basket, not wanting to be “silly” or “a bother”. But she did go forward with her basket idea. Seeing Aldene, and getting that basket boosted ALL of our spirits, and we ate every single item in the basket.
Lately I’ve been contemplating the concept of, “calling”. I believe a person’s calling is an inner compulsion, stronger than conscious thought, that can drive a person to have a positive impact on our world. I see this in action with Aldene. She is compelled to help, not because it makes her a better person, but because her innermost desire is to make things better for those around her. I’m so grateful to know her.
Thank you Aldene, we love you very much! (I know that you don’t want any sort of public acknowledgement, but you’re too awesome to be left in the shadows.)
Pretty Blue Cere 